I thought I was prepared for motherhood.  I longed for nothing more than to be a wife and mommy.  I worked in an infant daycare  and was a nanny for 3 out of 4 years of college.  I found complete joy in holding those babies and caring for the 2 precious children I nannied for.  Garrick and I were married for 2 years before our first child was born. I read books, I took the classes, I had everything prepared, right down to the little diapers placed strategically in a cute little basket and another one filled with Infant Tylenol, gas drops and diaper rash cream!


Ummmm...... NOT!  LOL

I thought I was.  I really did.  And, when that I held that little baby in my arms in the hospital I felt on top of the world!  I had this!!  Nothing could shake the joy I was feeling!!  

Then.... we brought him home.  Within a day or so, the new mommy adrenaline wore off. I was exhausted.  I was sore.  I was hormonal.  Breastfeeding, the most natural thing in the world????  Yeah, not going so well.  I began to feel overwhelmed.  I would cry every night in the bath tub and feel massive anxiety as I though to myself.... this is never going to end.  I will never sleep again.  This little man is my responsibility for the next 18 years... OR MORE!  

Even a few short days after my precious little man was born, Satan had me cornered.  

I was not a believer yet and unfortunately, I lived very far away from my family and Garrick's.  I had very little support, my husband worked 15 hour days and went back to work days after Camden was born and I was trying to find may way through this overwhelming task, all on my own.  

I was devastated more at the fact that I was feeling the way I was feeling. After all, wasn't this suppose to be all smiles and cuddles?  Wasn't I suppose to be frolicking through the streets pushing my stroller with joy and peace??   Wasn't I supposed to look like those diaper commercials.... gentle, peaceful and completely in love with my new calling?

I wanted that.  I really did.  But my emotions were tearing me to shreds and not only did Satan have the vulnerability of my hormones and exhaustion to play with, he also had an isolated, new mom that did not have the power of Christ living within her to combat his evil plan!

Satan wanted me.  Badly.  Why????  For a very good reason.  I just finished a phenomenal book called Desperate by Sarah Mae and Sally Clarkson.  Here is an excerpt from the book that completely grabbed to my heart.....

"Satan knows that the righteousness and faith of the next generation are in the hands of parents, and particularly the moms, who interact with their children every hour of the day.  Satan would love for us to think that our labor is in vain and ineffective, and that we are not adequate for the task.  And yet, in every case in Revelation, overcoming is always rewarded with a great blessing." 

Satan KNOWS that the most powerful influence in a child's life are his/her parents!!  Parents are a HUGE target for Satan, especially if you are a parent that is home with your children day in and day out.  He wants to break your powerful influence over them to become Godly leaders in this world.  He wants to stop the legacy of good and take you and your children captive to do his evil will.

There is no easier way to do this, especially for an emotional woman, than to continually make her feel inadequate, not good enough, as a failure and defeated.  And what better time to start than when the baby is fresh out of the womb!  

Oh, how I wish I would have had someone to breathe this truth into me when I first became a mama.  I wish I would have had the armor and tools to stand and combat Satan's evil work in my mind.  

We so underestimate our power is a parent. Our children's hearts are molded by our very hands.  The easiest way for me to understand what my children need from me, is to place myself back as their age and try to recall what I needed.  

I needed lots and lots of love and grace.  I was a sinner AND a child with little self control and a whole lot of impulsivity.  I had emotions I did not know how to deal with and pressures from the outside world I did not know how to tune out.  I sometimes, STILL don't.  I needed to know I had purpose and I mattered and that God gave me talents and gifts to use to change the world.  I needed lots of encouragement and affirmation, especially when my self worth was being challenged.  I needed my home to be a safe haven from a sometimes cruel and scary world.  

My children need these very things and if I spend day in and day out allowing Satan to make me feel I am a worthless, inadequate failure of a mother, I will have nothing to give my children but discouragement and frustration.  

If I could do ANYTHING for a new mama or a mama who is struggling right now in a sea of discouragement, it would be this....

STAND!  You ARE enough!  God gave you these precious children because He knew you COULD do it!  TRUST Him!  Shut out the voices of the world and focus on giving your children what THEY need, not what the world tells you they need!  

You already hold the ability..... you just have to believe it!!!!

Peace and Blessings
Your friend 
If I had to name ONE thing that has given me hope when all hope seems lost.....it is these soul feeding words....

"To Him who is able to do immeasurably more than we ask or imagine, according to His power within us." Ephesians 3:20

It is extremely easy to become weary.  To lose hope. To succumb to the exhaustion from life's battles. To let Satan win, even when you are unaware that he is even behind the wheel. 

And believe me when I say, I have been there and some days, still am.  

I spend many days, almost minute by minute, asking God to guide me, help me, lead me, just take over because for my own sanity, I have to step aside.  

What is so incredibly encouraging about this scripture is no matter what I ask God for, no matter what I am needing or praying for at that moment..... God.... can do MORE!  So much more.... it cannot be measured!  We could never see the end of His abilities.  Whatever we pray for, whatever we dream of, whatever we wait in hope for....... it cannot compare to the power that rests in God's ability!  

Job prayed for God to end his suffering.... God fully restored Job's life to even greater than it was before!

Hannah prayed for a child.... God blessed her with a son that went on to serve God in might ways!

Moses cried out to God..... God allowed Moses to lift up his staff, stretch out his hand and part the Red Sea!

God can and will do more than we can even ask or imagine.

The focus here is.... trust.

Do I trust him and believe in Him to do so?

I guess that remains the million dollar question.

I pray today....for a sense of trust like you have never experienced before.  

Peace and Blessings
Your Friend

The other morning I was reading in the book of Jeremiah and I came across a scripture that prompted me to ask myself a very hard question.  I read this scripture over and over and God began revealing something to me that I had never considered before.  

"They followed worthless idols and became worthless themselves." Jeremiah 2:5

Here is the question that went reeling through my mind over and over again..... could this scripture at all be tied to the feelings of worthlessness we struggle with?  Could this scripture we tied to lack of self esteem and feeling a lack of purpose in life?

God quickly affirmed a big fat YES!  

Once again, please don't hear what I am not saying.  I totally understand the pressures and unrealistic expectations of this world greatly impact many people's self esteem and creates in them massive struggles with feeling worthy and purposeful, however, the biggest problem remains just that...... the world!

If I am chasing after what the world has to offer; wealth, beauty, success, perfect body and image OR even if I am placing all my energy into what appears to be worthwhile, Godly things such as; trying to fit myself into every "Christian" mold I believe I should fit in.  When it is very likely God may have never called me to pursue those things.... I am simply chasing after idols, rather than God.  

I am pursuing something that I believe will make me feel better about myself or look better to others, not necessarily something God has purposed for me to do.  

By doing this.... it is very likely.... it will not be fulfilling and feelings of worthlessness will overtake my mind.  And the worst part about this is... now... you will compound it with unnecessary guilt of failing at something or not feeling fulfillment from something that OTHER Christians are doing and finding purpose and fulfillment in!  

I talk so much about purpose, because I feel so very strong about the gift in finding your God given personal purpose.  It is the secret to finding joy and contentment in life even when life circumstances may create an opposite environment.  

Here is an example of this in my life.  Like most people, I go through dry seasons where I lack motivation and would just like to live as a giant sloth!  I struggle with getting out of bed to do my quiet time and Bible study and I have had morning when I laid there too long and had no time for God.  

I pursued sleep and slothiness and what I ended up with in return.... is a day of feeling stressed and lacking peace.  I missed my date with God.  This is a pretty big deficit!  I chased after something worthless and in turn felt very worthless!

I have had other days when I have laid around way too long in the morning, on the weekends.  I look at the clock and its 11:00 and I am still in my pajamas and feeling lazier than ever!  I literally feel BLAH!

For me this creates major feelings or worthlessness!  

Everyone is different, this may be revitalizing to you, but for me, I know God is calling me to move and meet with Him or be productive and I choose the slothy way instead and feel pretty bad for it later!

So... my challenge for everyone today is assess your feelings of purposelessness or worthlessness when you begin to struggle with them.  What are you spending your time pursuing?  Are you neglecting God's purposes for you and chasing after worthlessness?  

This just might be a life changing epiphany for me!!!!  I pray it is for you too!

Peace and Blessings
Your Friend 
I will be drawing the winner of my giveaway tomorrow morning!!  I have prayed that it is the person who needs the reminder the most.... that as long as God is within you, He will not let you fall!!!  

The truth is... we all need that reminder! Probably... daily.  I wish I had a necklace for all of you!  

Yesterday was my birthday, so I was a little side tracked and did not do my typical marriage blog with Garrick, however, God gave me a different message to deliver that He just needed me for this week.  

I want each of you to really ponder this scripture....

"God is within her, she will not fall." Psalm 46:5

It says... she WILL NOT fall.  WON'T!  Do you see the significance here.... if God is within you... no matter how far you stand at the edge of that cliff... YOU CANNOT and WILL NOT FALL!

There is NO greater safety net in this world!  No person, no addiction, no idol or material possession can do this for you!  In fact, those items may be the very things pushing you toward the edge!

How does this apply to marriage??  I can tell you... first hand. You may be pushed to the absolute breaking point in your marriage.  You may be crushed, spent and exhausted beyond what you believe is recoverable.  
You will never stand at an edge of a cliff without God fully equipped and ready to give you wings to fly!

Knowing this truth.... can make you the hero in saving your marriage.  It can give you the strength to keep going and this strength will be visible for all to see.  Your spouse, most importantly, will see God's strength resting on you.... a strength they can now see is a live and real.  A strength they may very well want to seek for themselves. 

There is simply no way I could have done this without God.  Period.  

I pray..... you seek God.... and get your wings... today!!!

Peace and Blessings
Your Friend