I thought I was prepared for motherhood. I longed for nothing more than to be a wife and mommy. I worked in an infant daycare and was a nanny for 3 out of 4 years of college. I found complete joy in holding those babies and caring for the 2 precious children I nannied for. Garrick and I were married for 2 years before our first child was born. I read books, I took the classes, I had everything prepared, right down to the little diapers placed strategically in a cute little basket and another one filled with Infant Tylenol, gas drops and diaper rash cream!
I WAS READY!!!
Ummmm...... NOT! LOL
I thought I was. I really did. And, when that I held that little baby in my arms in the hospital I felt on top of the world! I had this!! Nothing could shake the joy I was feeling!!
Then.... we brought him home. Within a day or so, the new mommy adrenaline wore off. I was exhausted. I was sore. I was hormonal. Breastfeeding, the most natural thing in the world???? Yeah, not going so well. I began to feel overwhelmed. I would cry every night in the bath tub and feel massive anxiety as I though to myself.... this is never going to end. I will never sleep again. This little man is my responsibility for the next 18 years... OR MORE!
Even a few short days after my precious little man was born, Satan had me cornered.
I was not a believer yet and unfortunately, I lived very far away from my family and Garrick's. I had very little support, my husband worked 15 hour days and went back to work days after Camden was born and I was trying to find may way through this overwhelming task, all on my own.
I was devastated more at the fact that I was feeling the way I was feeling. After all, wasn't this suppose to be all smiles and cuddles? Wasn't I suppose to be frolicking through the streets pushing my stroller with joy and peace?? Wasn't I supposed to look like those diaper commercials.... gentle, peaceful and completely in love with my new calling?
I wanted that. I really did. But my emotions were tearing me to shreds and not only did Satan have the vulnerability of my hormones and exhaustion to play with, he also had an isolated, new mom that did not have the power of Christ living within her to combat his evil plan!
Satan wanted me. Badly. Why???? For a very good reason. I just finished a phenomenal book called Desperate by Sarah Mae and Sally Clarkson. Here is an excerpt from the book that completely grabbed to my heart.....
"Satan knows that the righteousness and faith of the next generation are in the hands of parents, and particularly the moms, who interact with their children every hour of the day. Satan would love for us to think that our labor is in vain and ineffective, and that we are not adequate for the task. And yet, in every case in Revelation, overcoming is always rewarded with a great blessing."
Satan KNOWS that the most powerful influence in a child's life are his/her parents!! Parents are a HUGE target for Satan, especially if you are a parent that is home with your children day in and day out. He wants to break your powerful influence over them to become Godly leaders in this world. He wants to stop the legacy of good and take you and your children captive to do his evil will.
There is no easier way to do this, especially for an emotional woman, than to continually make her feel inadequate, not good enough, as a failure and defeated. And what better time to start than when the baby is fresh out of the womb!
Oh, how I wish I would have had someone to breathe this truth into me when I first became a mama. I wish I would have had the armor and tools to stand and combat Satan's evil work in my mind.
We so underestimate our power is a parent. Our children's hearts are molded by our very hands. The easiest way for me to understand what my children need from me, is to place myself back as their age and try to recall what I needed.
I needed lots and lots of love and grace. I was a sinner AND a child with little self control and a whole lot of impulsivity. I had emotions I did not know how to deal with and pressures from the outside world I did not know how to tune out. I sometimes, STILL don't. I needed to know I had purpose and I mattered and that God gave me talents and gifts to use to change the world. I needed lots of encouragement and affirmation, especially when my self worth was being challenged. I needed my home to be a safe haven from a sometimes cruel and scary world.
My children need these very things and if I spend day in and day out allowing Satan to make me feel I am a worthless, inadequate failure of a mother, I will have nothing to give my children but discouragement and frustration.
If I could do ANYTHING for a new mama or a mama who is struggling right now in a sea of discouragement, it would be this....
STAND! You ARE enough! God gave you these precious children because He knew you COULD do it! TRUST Him! Shut out the voices of the world and focus on giving your children what THEY need, not what the world tells you they need!
You already hold the ability..... you just have to believe it!!!!
Peace and Blessings
If I had to name ONE thing that has given me hope when all hope seems lost.....it is these soul feeding words....
"To Him who is able to do immeasurably more than we ask or imagine, according to His power within us." Ephesians 3:20
It is extremely easy to become weary. To lose hope. To succumb to the exhaustion from life's battles. To let Satan win, even when you are unaware that he is even behind the wheel.
And believe me when I say, I have been there and some days, still am.
I spend many days, almost minute by minute, asking God to guide me, help me, lead me, just take over because for my own sanity, I have to step aside.
What is so incredibly encouraging about this scripture is no matter what I ask God for, no matter what I am needing or praying for at that moment..... God.... can do MORE! So much more.... it cannot be measured! We could never see the end of His abilities. Whatever we pray for, whatever we dream of, whatever we wait in hope for....... it cannot compare to the power that rests in God's ability!
Job prayed for God to end his suffering.... God fully restored Job's life to even greater than it was before!
Hannah prayed for a child.... God blessed her with a son that went on to serve God in might ways!
Moses cried out to God..... God allowed Moses to lift up his staff, stretch out his hand and part the Red Sea!
God can and will do more than we can even ask or imagine.
The focus here is.... trust.
Do I trust him and believe in Him to do so?
I guess that remains the million dollar question.
I pray today....for a sense of trust like you have never experienced before.
Peace and Blessings