If you are so blessed.... there will come a glorious day in your life.... when you can find rest.... in who you are.  

You can look in the mirror, stripped of all vanity and find peace in the reflection you see.  You can have a bad moment, a bad day, a bad month or even a bad year and learn not to let that define you, even if other's choose to.  

You can take a deep look within your heart and find solace in knowing what your heart is made of, even if others can't see it.  

Oh, what a precious day this is.  When you understand you are IN this world... but you are not made up OF this world. 

I experienced this day.... through walking through what I believe the most painful year of my life.  My mind spun in a million different directions and when your head is spinning.... your words are often too many and not filtered.  Your actions can be impulsive and your reactions immediate and full of tremendous emotion.  

But at the end of the day.... I knew who I really was. I could peel back the layers of raw emotion and still see the Missy living underneath.  Other's may have only seen the outward actions but God never stopped reminding me of who I really was.  

Through it all.... I was able to learn to say goodbye.

Goodbye to the expectations, whether from myself or others, that I allowed to rule my life.  Goodbye to the Missy "I wish" I was rather than the Missy, " I am."  I adopted a quote that spoke volumes to my heart.....

"I am not what I ought to be. I am not what I want to be. I am not what I hope to be. But, still, I am not what I used to be.  And by the grace of God, I am what I am." John Newton

There are just certain things that I have finally learned will never be a part of who I am and that, is totally okay with me.  Though I have personality traits, whether by nature or nurture that I would choose to tone down a bit, if I never change the way "I" feel I should change.... that is okay.  

A goodbye has never been so sweet....


  • Goodbye... to the woman of spontaneity....I was never you, nor meant to be you.  I like routine, consistency and predictability.  And that is okay.
  • Goodbye.... to the woman of free spirit.  Along with non spontaneity also comes a bit of a reserved spirit.  I have never really been one to go wild on a dance floor or throw back a shot.  And that.... is okay.
  • Goodbye..... to the woman of anal organization.  I,Missy, am a bit of a mess and my closets and cupboards reflect that.  My pans may attack when you open the cupboard and my closets may mimic an episode of hoarding buried alive. But... that is okay. 
  • Goodbye... to the woman of few words.  I have tried. oh, I have tried to speak less, to share less, to just be the quiet and meek woman I thought I needed to be.  But... that is just not me.  And... that is okay. 
  • Goodbye... to the woman of homemade Halloween costumes and retail worthy crafts.  I love to be creative.  I love to mess with my sewing machine, when I have time and I love to try new things, however, I have little eye or patience for detail and always go for the "illusion" of perfection.  These traits do not make a good seamstress or flawless crafter.  And... THAT... is okay 


Picture
See... this is ME... Taking forced ridiculous selfies with the cat..... and then walking around the house... making everyone look at it while I belly laugh... assuming they will find it as jovial as me!!!
  • Goodbye... to the woman of radical health and fitness.  I love to take care of my body, I run, I try to eat fruits and veggies, take my vitamins and care for my mental and spiritual health.  I,however, am so not into totally organic eating or major exercise routines.  I am happy if I squeeze in a 20 minute run four times a week and I will not feel guilty about my bowl of ice cream I eat in bed nearly every night.  And... that is okay. 
  • Goodbye.... to the woman of productive late nights.  I am NOT a night person.  I never have been and never will be.  I was the first one asleep at slumber parties and even in college I can count on one hand how many times I as up past 10 or 11:00.  I will pop out of bed at 5:00 A.M. if you need me to, but at night, I am ready for bed. And... that is okay!
  • Goodbye... to the woman with a green thumb.  I am NO gardener but I am sure good as harvesting a pile of weeds!  For years I tried, feeling guilty I was not providing my family with pesticide, GMO and every other carcinigen free produce.  The media had me convinced I was subjecting my family to a slow and painful death.  I simply am not a gardener. And.... that... is okay.

This is an exhausting list of expectations I have placed on myself, either by my own accord or through what I believed, were expectations of others.  

The day God revealed to me...... that His greatest expectation of me is to love Him with all my heart, soul and strength and to love others as myself... I realized.... that is it!

Giving God my whole heart and committing myself to love others in the way God commands takes most of my resources!!  I have a daily war with my flesh to take on..... and I simply do not have the time to focus on trying to become the woman.... I was never meant to be.  

I am happy... just being me.  The routine, a little reserved, yacky, a bit messy and disorganized, early to bed, I will buy my produce at the store and eat my ice cream in bed.... Missy.  And... THAT... is not just okay.... it is a very good thing!!

I pray you learn to be happy..... being you!!

Peace and Blessings
Your Friend
Missy





 


Comments

04/17/2017 1:09am

It's a wonderfully written article. I do agree with you that females shouldn't only focus on their physical appearance but that of their other side of feminity. A person shouldn't also be bounded and obsessed with material things for these will some day be gone. In my opinion, everyone is beautifully created by God in different ways. We just have to learn how to appreciate an aspect of ourselves deep within.

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