If you are so blessed.... there will come a glorious day in your life.... when you can find rest.... in who you are.
You can look in the mirror, stripped of all vanity and find peace in the reflection you see. You can have a bad moment, a bad day, a bad month or even a bad year and learn not to let that define you, even if other's choose to.
You can take a deep look within your heart and find solace in knowing what your heart is made of, even if others can't see it.
Oh, what a precious day this is. When you understand you are IN this world... but you are not made up OF this world.
I experienced this day.... through walking through what I believe the most painful year of my life. My mind spun in a million different directions and when your head is spinning.... your words are often too many and not filtered. Your actions can be impulsive and your reactions immediate and full of tremendous emotion.
But at the end of the day.... I knew who I really was. I could peel back the layers of raw emotion and still see the Missy living underneath. Other's may have only seen the outward actions but God never stopped reminding me of who I really was.
Through it all.... I was able to learn to say goodbye.
Goodbye to the expectations, whether from myself or others, that I allowed to rule my life. Goodbye to the Missy "I wish" I was rather than the Missy, " I am." I adopted a quote that spoke volumes to my heart.....
"I am not what I ought to be. I am not what I want to be. I am not what I hope to be. But, still, I am not what I used to be. And by the grace of God, I am what I am." John Newton
There are just certain things that I have finally learned will never be a part of who I am and that, is totally okay with me. Though I have personality traits, whether by nature or nurture that I would choose to tone down a bit, if I never change the way "I" feel I should change.... that is okay.
A goodbye has never been so sweet....
This is an exhausting list of expectations I have placed on myself, either by my own accord or through what I believed, were expectations of others.
The day God revealed to me...... that His greatest expectation of me is to love Him with all my heart, soul and strength and to love others as myself... I realized.... that is it!
Giving God my whole heart and committing myself to love others in the way God commands takes most of my resources!! I have a daily war with my flesh to take on..... and I simply do not have the time to focus on trying to become the woman.... I was never meant to be.
I am happy... just being me. The routine, a little reserved, yacky, a bit messy and disorganized, early to bed, I will buy my produce at the store and eat my ice cream in bed.... Missy. And... THAT... is not just okay.... it is a very good thing!!
I pray you learn to be happy..... being you!!
Peace and Blessings