We are 10 hours away from bringing 2016 to a close. For the past 3 years, at least, I have looked forward to ending the year and starting fresh and new the next, anticipating it will be better.
Sadly, for the past few years, the following year seemed to come with even more pain and heartache. I will not dwell or get into why, as if you are a reader of this blog, you are more than likely very aware of what has taken place in our lives in the past few years.
The past few years have been marked with much sorrow and struggle, but in terms of devastation, 2016 takes the cake.
In this past year my heart has been taken to the brink of shattering what seems to be a zillion times. I spent nights alone, while my husband was fighting and addiction and began to feel as though life could be easier without my marriage. I pondered leaving, I was convicted to stay. I felt betrayal like never before and also experienced a whole new level of forgiving. I wanted to give up, but was given God's powerful strength to keep going, just one more day.
In my weakness, I fell on my knees and realized on my knees is where strength was birthed. I went from believing God would always provide and care for me to KNOWING God will always provide and take care of me. I stood up for what I knew was right and accepted it costing me in the end and found blessings are often disguised in adversity.
So though, there are things I long to leave behind, there are also many things I will choose to take with me.
God shown Himself to me throughout this past year like never before. He revealed Himself through the hug of a friend, the words of encouragement through a loved one, through giving me reasons to laugh in the same moments I was wanting to cry, for allowing me to step out on the edge but never far enough that I would lose my balance. He gave me strength to keep going even though logically, I saw no reason to do so.
He would not let me give up. Ever. I cannot stress to you all enough, what God has to offer you is not just life changing... but LIFE SAVING>
God's conviction saved me from making permanent decisions based on circumstances He knew were temporary and with purpose.
Today.... I leave behind my need to always understand... and embrace the lesson in trust I was gifted. Trusting takes the why.... out of the trial.
Peace and Blessings