So.... we are having a lazy, quiet Sunday evening! The kids all found something to do outside our earshot radius, so I pondered, what could Garrick and I do besides sit and mess with our phones or watch tv???
He is sitting next to me and does not know this yet, but he is going to be a participant in my blog today and partake in a spouse questionnaire!!
He is currently oblivious that I am even typing this and he is literally right next to me. He is playing some game on his phone and is TUNED out. How do men do that so easily??? Truly?? One of our kids just walked in and he didn't even look up. I am going to stare at him for a minute and see how long it takes for him to look back.... ok... here goes....
Boy... only a second!! I am impressed!!
So, it is important that couples communicate yes!! HOWEVER, they also need to learn to have fun in their communication. When is that last time you and your spouse had an intentional, real and fun conversation that did not revolve around kids, finances or stresses??
Every couples needs to laugh and learn together... so we are giving you a peek into our session of intentional communication!!
I asked Garrick the following questions....
1. Would you rather stay in or go out for date night? "I would rather go out, sit in a restaurant and talk or just sit on a bench and listen to music."
2. Would you rather play a board game or watch a movie with me? "I would rather watch a movie unless it was an 'adult board game.'"
3. Would you rather be a movie star or a famous musician? "I would rather be a musician and play a symphony instrument, like a violin." (this one shocked me! I learned something new about my husband!!)
4.Would you rather go into the past and meet your ancestors or go into the future and meet your great-grandchildren? "Ancestors, I think it would make us appreciate what we have, if I went into the future I may be disgusted at how lazy the children are!"
5. Would you rather always speak your mind or never speak again? "I would rather always speak my mind." (good thing this one is not a real option!!)
6. Would you rather fail or never try? "I would rather fail."
7. Would you rather have more money or more time? "More money, because the stuff I want to do with my time, I often need more money to do."
8. What is one thing you hope to accomplish in the next 5 years? "I have no five year goals." (Really? Well, then, lets move on shall we!)
9. What is your favorite book of the Bible? "Job, its the story of my life." (It really kind of has been the past few years or six!)
10. Name one person in your life that inspires me to be a better person? "Famous Pastors that spend their life trying to live and serve Christ and confess when they make a mistake."
11. What makes me you most fulfilled or happiest as a husband? "When my wife and I are both fulfilling our Biblical roles as husband and wife and happy doing so."
12. What makes you most fulfilled or happiest as a father? "Spending quality time with my kids and watching my children make healthy and positive choices.(okay and sometimes bed time, he didn't say that, but I know he looks just as forward to it as I do some nights!!)
13. What are you looking forward to the most in the next year? "Time away with my wife."
14. In what area of your spiritual walk would you like to improve on? "Integrity, always owning and taking accountability for my mistakes."
15. If you weren't in the profession you are now, what would your dream profession be? "Having a doctorate in theology."
16. Name three qualities that attracted you to me when we first met? "Sensitivity, looks and personality."
17. Where is your dream destination? " I would love to go to Norway, Finland or Sweden."
18. If your house were on fire and you could grab 3 material items, what would they be? "My weapons, that's it." (Okay then, never mind our wedding photos, Jeesh!)
19. I laugh every time I think of you doing? "Golfing! (yes I am terrible at golfing, lets just say the grounds keeper has a lot to do once I leave the green!!)
20. In our marriage, what do you think we need more of? "Quality, alone time together."
Garrick and I have been together since 1994 and married since 2000 and I learned some new things about him tonight!! Like... the symphony thing? Who knew? Oh and that he has no goals for the next five years!! LOL It was both fun and refreshing!!!! I encourage all couples to take this time to learn, laugh, love and REFRESH!!!
Peace and Blessings
Most of us are aware of what God teaches us in the Bible regarding sex before marriage. God makes it very clear that the sex is to only take place within the confines of marriage and He has many good reasons for such a command. However, that is not my focus today.
As I was laying bed pondering marriage and intimacy the almost 16 years I have been married, I asked myself what I recall as some of the truest intimate moments with my husband.
The very first thoughts that God brought to my mind had nothing to do with our bedroom but EVERYTHING to do with deep rooted, I place my life and heart in your hands..... trust.
The intimate moments God revealed to me were precious moments in which I was not just physically bare but heart stripped, dead modesty bare. Where it was not just my skin and breasts that were visible to my spouse, but my frailty and vulnerability as a woman.
One of the first memories that popped into my mind was the mess a woman becomes after giving birth. This is a true moment of vulnerability and baring all things that normally you may keep hidden behind close doors. You are saggy, sweaty, shaky, and dripping bodily fluids like a rushing waterfall.
You are exhausted and very often experience swelling and throbbing pain in very personal areas of your body. Trying to adjust yourself in the bed can be excruciating.
I will never forget the intimacy I experienced with my husband after third child was born. Everyone had left and it as just myself, Garrick and the baby in the room. She was sleeping peacefully, so I was ready to take on the shower. I was extremely sore and walking was a bit of a challenge.
Garrick helped me out of bed, walked me into the bathroom, started the shower for me, got all of the items I would need to shower prepared and easily accessible for me, helped me remove my hospital gown, took my hand and helped me into the shower as those bodily fluids poured from my body and my saggy stomach was falling to my knees. He helped wash my back, he grabbed towels and cleaned up the fluids from the floor. He helped me dry off, helped me put on my mother of all granny panties, complete with the ice pack and mattress pad and then guided me back to bed.
THAT. Was intimacy like I have never experienced before. I can recall feeling so incredibly close to my husband at that moment. Here I was in one of the most vulnerable and honestly, grossest, moments of my life and he was there, completely giving himself to me. Not sickened and grossed out by my condition but lovingly supportive of it.
He saw every part of me that day. Not just skin, breasts and body parts, but he saw all of those things in their most fragile moment and he loved me and cared for me like he never had before.
As that moment and still to this day, I understood what true intimacy is in marriage. It's not just the baring of skin and bodily contact, it's the wiping of bodily fluids and gazing at saggy and swollen skin and feeling nothing but love and seeing nothing but beauty that God intended.
The world has it wrong. Intimacy begins in the heart and soul of two humans. Once that intimacy has been experienced, anything that happens in the bedroom, is just icing on the cake.
Peace and Blessings
What God has joined together..... Satan WILL try to separate.
Do you remember these words?
"I, ___, take you, ___, for my lawful wife/husband, to have and to hold from this day forward, for better, for worse, for richer, for poorer, in sickness and health, until death do us part."
*for better OR for worse
*for richer OR for poorer
*in sickness AND in health
Chances are, when you stood at the alter or destination and repeated these vows, your heart was overflowing with love and emotion. You may still have had the fluttery butterflies when you saw your future spouse coming in the door and in your heart, you more than likely meant every word you said, not imagining the day would come, that not loving them would even be an option.
I believe there may be a choice few couples that may have lived out their married years not knowing anything but passionate love and joy, but that is more than likely the small majority.
For most of us, those vows will be tested, sometimes almost beyond the point of what we think we can bare. Spouses are human and they are sinners. Spouses will hurt you, they will get sick, they will disappoint you, they will forget to honor you, they may lie to you, ignore you or choose actions much worse.
Once you tie the knot, undoubtedly, at some point, Satan will attempt to untie it. And he will use any tactic he sees as a vulnerable, weak spot in your marriage.
On this page I will share with you;
*keys to overcoming the unthinkable in your marriage
*fun and easy ways to strengthen your marriage
*ways to grow individually in order to grow as a couple
*Humorous happenings in our marriage as laughing together is a KEY to success!
*How to STAND against the schemes of the devil
*The meaning I have found, in our messy marriage moments!
*Couples devotions that will encourage communication and quality time in your marriage.
Please join me as we trudge through the messes.... to find God's meaning!
A Messy Marriage Moment.......
Our son was about one year old and HATED the car seat! He would be fine for about the first 15 minutes of the trip and then, it was all down hill from there. He rarely ever slept in the car and if he did, it lasted 30 minutes if you were lucky. The rest of the trip he spent screaming and squirming trying to get out of his car seat. It could be maddening during long car rides.
To make things worse, I was an incredibly anxious first time mom. I never dreamed I would be. I spent most of my college years as a nanny and working in a day care, but somehow, I ended up being wound like an 8 day clock as a first time mom. I am almost certain I needed medicine for anxiety, but hind sight is 20/20 right? SO, the fact that I was very anxious puts an even greater twist on this story!
We had gone to my in laws for the weekend, which was about a 3 hour drive. On the way home my husband was hauling an old fishing boat he had stored in his hometown. Prior to leaving, he thought he had everything buckled down, secured and ready to go. I told him to make sure of it, because if our son did fall asleep, no power of hell was going to get us to stop the car! The minute the car stopped, he was up!
We left and began traveling down the highway when our son began looking pretty drowsy. We always attempted to travel during his nap time. At the same time I am watching his little eyes get sleepy, I am hearing some strange noise coming from the boat we are pulling behind us. I asked my husband what it was and he
glanced out the rear view mirror and realized he had not secured the seats well and one had flown up and was flapping in the wind. He told me he needed to pull over and fix it. I was a bit irritated as our son was beginning to fall asleep, so I told him in a not so loving tone, to take care of it and make sure it is fixed so we do not have to stop again!
He pulled over and fastened the seat back down and made sure it was secured. He got back in the car and off we went. We were about 5 miles out when our little guy finally drifted off to sleep. It was around that moment I heard that all familiar sound of something flapping violently in the wind! I turned around, looked out the back window and in a very NONLOVING tone of voice informed my husband another seat had flown up!
Well..... to quickly finish the story... he had to stop AGAIN and yes, it woke our son up!! I was SO MAD! He did not sleep the rest of the ride home. I made sure my husband knew how upset I was and I believe my anger carried on until the next day.
THIS, was a messy marriage moment that I did not handle well. Though my anxiety played a role, the bottom line was, it was an honest mistake. Could my husband have been more careful and been more diligent about securing the seats. Sure, he could, however, at the end of the day, this was not something to divide our marriage over. In fact, now we look back at this and laugh our heads off about this incident! Now, 13 years and 4 kids later, I would not react to this incident as I did back then.
Life is often reaping what you sow.... if you long to reap grace... you need to sow grace. How precious did that grace appear.... the hour I first believed.
Peace and Blessings