There is no doubt about it! I think most of us would agree there is no one that can frustrate or hurt us more than our spouse. Consequently, there is also no one on earth that we long to be loved and appreciated more from, than our spouse.
Have you ever questioned why that is?
Well, God revealed that to me this morning and it was kind of a DUH moment. No ones has more effect on you, than your spouse, because you are ONE with them. You became one flesh, remember? Therefore, it only make sense that their actions and words would effect us more than anyone elses.
BUT REMEMBER THIS..... both you and your spouse are also ONE with God. Everything you do, you bring God along with you for the ride.
So who is more important??
God of course.
This is where a lot of us go very wrong in our marriage. We begin placing our spouse above God. We put our trust in them, rather than God. We place our faith in them to meet our needs and desires, rather than God. We idolize their love and affection more than Gods.
And the hard truth is, our spouse does not gold a candle to God. There is no competition. God has the ability to provide for you and meet your needs better than your spouse could on their best day.
Here is why this is so important in the process of forgiveness.
Addiction is a scary thing because you have no idea if and when that desire to use will pop back into the addicts mind. The struggle with addiction is alive in them, even if it is laying dormant. Therefore, I have absolutely no assurance that my spouse will not relapse or fall prey to his addiction again. You cannot trust an addict, as the entire disease revolves around deceit, lies and manipulation.
So how do I ever move on? How to I ever forgive when I am constantly worried that any day may be doom's day?
This is how.... by not placing my hope and faith in Garrick's strength.... but Gods!!!!
Everyday, I pray to God for my husband and I place my trust in God to continue to restore him and keep him from falling.
This has been my greatest struggle hands down. The moment I begin to place my trust back on my husband, the fear and worry take over. I begin questioning his every move and paranoia takes over.
God centers and grounds me. He keeps me focused on the BIG picture.... which is His purpose will not be withheld from me and He will make good out of anything situation He throws my way. When I place my trust back on Him.... the fear and anxiety disappear and joy returns.
Garrick stated that the greatest way he places me above God in our marriage is his desire for affection. His love language is physical affection, random hugs, back rubs, snuggling. And while I enjoy those things, our past experiences have taken this desire away from me as it used to be. I struggle more with giving or receiving physical affection. This is a consequence of trust being broken.
As time goes on and my trust is rebuilt, it becomes easier for me. However, in the meantime, Garrick struggles with allowing this to effect him rather than trusting God's perfect timing and purpose.
Just as I have to continue to pray for God to keep my husband from falling he has to pray for God to restore my desire for affection as it used to be.
Placing our trust in one another will only leave us feeling discouraged and hopeless, which in turns drives us to bitterness. Bitterness will make forgiving extremely difficult.
Forgiveness..... is born through a trust in God's sovereign will. Bitterness dies.... at the birth of trust.
Where are your struggles with trust?
Give them to God today and watch your heart.... find forgiveness you never thought possible.
Peace and Blessings
Missy and Garrick
Marriage Moments with Missy and Garrick Week 13.... Where We Struggle with Placing Each Other Above God...