Yes, you! The one with the pony tail and faded raccoon eyes from yesterday's eye liner.
The one with the beautiful smile.
Yes, I know you have a beautiful smile. You know.... that smile you get when you watch your child hit a home run or see your children laughing together. Or that soft grin you make, when your husband recites a joke so stupid.....' you can't help but grin.
You probably are wondering how I've seen you smile. You are thinking to yourself..... I really don't smile much anymore. In fact, I may have cracked a slight grin... but I don't know if I really, authentically smiled at all today.
I know I've frowned, I know I've been close to tears and I certainly know I've shown a scowl or two.... but I am not sure I ever smiled.
I've seen your smile because it is hidden in the same place mine often is.
Beneath the demands....
Beneath the noise...
the endless laundry
the around the clock eating
the last minute requests
the pile of bills
the missing shoe
the missing pants
the missing homework
the missing I Phone or I Pod
the sink full of dishes
the ungrateful back talk
the pile of vomit covered sheets
and the pile you will soon have from the next child
I know it's there beautiful mama. And I know deep in your heart.... you hope for the moment.... it is set free.
A moment when you can curl up on the couch with your favorite fuzzy blanket and watch that movie that makes you laugh until you can't breathe. A moment when you can start or finish that book you've been staring at on your bookshelf, while soaking in a hot bubble bath. That moment.... when your husband comes home and tells you he got a sitter and he is taking you out.... FAR AWAY from the piles that bury you. That moment..... when you reach your hand out for a little attention and smile at your hot pink fingertips that are usually buried in dish soap.
That smile is priceless mama.... That smile brings peace to your family.
I want you to focus more on that smile.
You matter too Mama.
You may struggle to remember that..... and others may fail as well....but you matter.
Sacrifice is not beautiful..... when it makes us ugly.
I know.... I have become ugly too many times.
The ugly mama.
That mama that gives and gives and gives without much reprieve..... and never takes those moments to find my missing smile.
That mama..... whose tank runs on empty way too long...... and with one little spark.... a flame erupts from the fumes of exhaustion that linger.
Those ugly eruptions would die..... by simply remembering.... I matter.
I need..... You need..... those smile producing moments.
Those moments are not selfish. Those moments are as necessary as breathing.
No one was made to "do it all."
And those that make the mistake of believing they are the exception to this........ will eventually trade in beauty for ashes.
There should be no guilt in self care.
But we often feel.... massive guilt when ugly mama makes her appearance. Ugly mama steals precious moments from out lives.
Put ugly mama to death.... today.
Find your smile mama.
Take care of you. Refill that tank that is running on fumes by the end of the day.
Jesus.... the perfect human.... in every way.... took time for Himself. He knew in His infinite wisdom.... He needed that to accomplish God's greater purpose.
You... have great purpose mama. Your smile is a healing balm to your child's soul. When they see you smile.... their world seems safe and okay.
Smile today. Take time for you. Don't you dare feel guilty.
You..... have earned every minute of it..... and my guess is....... then some.
Peace and Blessings